I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize