You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
