I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
