well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
