Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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