i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
