the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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