He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
