Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize