I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
