Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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