he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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