My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
two words: eviction party
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
