how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
