When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize