Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
