He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
