but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
