I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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