i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
