WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
