oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
