I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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