My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
