My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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