the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
