i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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