I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
