when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
