Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
