I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
