david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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