Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
