I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
