I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
