i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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