yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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