I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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