I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
