I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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