I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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