I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
