I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
