I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
