okay pat passed out under dana's car
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
