He told me they were just razor bumps!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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