Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
