the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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