I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
