I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
