If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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