You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
