I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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