I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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