a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
