I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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