i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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