If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
