I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
this boner is exhausting
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
